I wish things could be like they used to be. I didn’t have to worry about friends drinking, or having sex. I didn’t hear about the kind of things that went on around me, I didn’t have to know. I was still a little kid, and I was guided. But now I have to start making my own choices, and have less guidance now. I choose my own path. I wish I could go back to when I was six and stay there, with no worries. Then, I wasn’t lonely. I didn’t care about having a boyfriend. I thought boys had cooties! Why can’t I go back to that? And play with my Barbies… Whenever I’d play with them, I’d always have the girl fall in love with the boy- always. I guess I kind of wished and hoped that I’d find someone to fall in love with and marry. But it’s not as easy as I made it. If only it could be.
The more I talk to him, the more I can’t stand him anymore. I don’t know what it is, but it just annoys me when I talk to him on the phone. There’s always silence, which I hate. If you’re going to call me, why not have something to talk about? And he always says he loves me, and what am I to do? I just reply with ‘I love you too’, but do I really mean it? I don’t. I know I don’t… I don’t think I ever really loved him. I should’ve listened to Chocolate. I don’t want to hurt him, but if I keep holding back I’ll just keep leading him on. BUT WHAT THE HELL AM I TO DO?!? He can’t give me what I want… Happiness.
I hate talking about boy crap.
Why does everything seem to go wrong in the same time frame? I can’t listen to my music, because the Internet is being a fucker. It’s a conspiracy. First I can’t go and do what I’ve been doing for more than a year now, which is go into this chat room that was like my sanctuary, and now I can’t do that anymore. [Pathetic, I know] I’ve seemed to lose all contact with my friends, I’m separating my self from them, I don’t know why. I can’t listen to some goddamn music, which is the only thing that can make me happy right this moment. And my Internet is being slow. Why can’t anything go right? ARGH.
This better turn around in a few days, or I wont be a happy camper.
I think I'm just going to go read Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire [it's a good book] to make my thoughts go away for a moment.
♥Norie
×Hates×
Violence. Drugs. Alcohol. Insecurity. Summer. Annoying people.