Broken Wings

You let me violate you.
At 8:54 p.m. on April 04, 2006

My mom makes me so mad. I’m going to go crazy one of these days, I swear. So for some reason my Internet isn’t working for my laptop, so I told her about it. Maybe my voice was in a certain tone that made her think I was mad... but I didn’t think it was. She assumed I was taking my anger out on her. She always does when I’m pissed off. Is she honestly that conceited? Can I not get mad? Do I just have to suppress my anger more and more? I swear I have so much anger inside of me, that one of these days I’m just going to go ballistic no matter who’s around. Ask anyone, I never get mad. Or I do, but its just a little burst, nothing too big. But I have so much anger bottled up inside, and my mom just makes it worse... Grrrrr.

I worked on this script for one of my classes and it’s not done. And I know the people in my group are going to be mad at me... because it’s due tomorrow. But it’s not my fault! I thought they were going to help me with it, but I was stuck doing it. I’m sure they didn’t mean to make me be stuck with it, they probably don’t even understand that I have a hard time coming up with things to put in a script, as like now. I have no idea how to finish it off. I’m terrible with endings. BLAH. So I printed out what I had so far, it’s better than nothing.

Paul called me earlier. I posted a blog on Myspace letting out my anger on him:

It hurts that you don't seem to care how I feel.
It hurts that you did it over texting.
It hurts that I'm just another girl.
It hurts that you said you saw a 'long-term relationship' with me, I guess with you that's three weeks.

I want to kick you in the balls until they shrivel up and fall off.
You said I could use you as my punching bag. Well, now I need you as that.

I don't want you to feel like you play such a big part in me being so hurt, because you don't. I did things with you that I didn't think I'd do with someone until I knew that it would last. I feel like such a whore. You didn't make me do it, I could have stopped you, but I didn't. I feel like such a whore. I regret what we did. I was such an idiot.

Being 'friends' doesn't help. You don't even give a shit anymore. You don't call or anything. I guess it's because you don't really have a reason to anymore. No I wish I hadn't even met you.
'Kay I think I'm done letting it out. Back to normal Nora.

And he called me to tell me what he thought about it. He was worried about my friends who commented on it, saying ‘shit’ about him, and that he doesn’t like it, and blah blah blah. He didn’t really say anything about what I wrote. He just thinks I was just letting my anger out that day, and that it was nothing. I don’t know. I really do feel that way, even though he says he still cares about me. Whatever that means. ANYWAY.

I think I’m going to wear a skirt tomorrow... I never wear skirts.

♥Norie

Then & Now