I’ll try not to jump from one subject to another… doubt I’ll accomplish that :].
On Friday I got to see Confuscious, and it wasn’t just a glance or two without talking. I got to hug him for real, and hear him talk, and see his pretty self. Yes, he’s just as gorgeous as he was before, and in his pictures. Mmm, I just wanted to jump him, with his eyeliner and black nail polish. Sexy. He’s also awesomely nice. He held the doors open, and offered me his jacket when we were waiting for my dad to pick me up from the movies. Aw, I just love him, he’s such a great guy.
I love going downtown at night. I’m not sure why I like it so much, it’s just so pretty, with all the lights, when you don’t notice all the grunginess of it all. And I love downtown for the people you see there. Of course sometimes they’re bad people, but not all the time.
If only I could make this entry private now. Even though it’s not like I have any readers, but I just don’t feel comfortable talking about this next thing, because I feel guilty. But it’s the only way to get it out…
I talked to an older guy… intimately. I know it’s wrong, but he made me feel wanted, and that’s what I needed… or thought I needed. We’d talked for a few months, and recently we were actually talking about meeting… Yeah, that would be a big mistake, and I’d be a hypocrite if I had done that. But I didn’t do it. I found out he had a girlfriend [of three years] just in time. It makes me sick. At times we’d talk about how immature the boys my age were… and he would seem mature, I guess because he was older. But he didn’t turn out to be. It’s disgusting. But today he asked if I had said anything to his girlfriend, I told him I wasn’t like that, because I’m not. And he said he was grateful.
I don’t feel satisfied though.
I’m glad I didn’t do anything I would have regretted. But sometimes I just get those urges, and sometimes it’s hard to resist them.
On Thursday I’m going to the University of Oregon, for a field trip with other juniors. It should be pretty fun. We get to learn what college life is like, and it takes up the whole day. Fun. But we have a 2 hour [give or take?] bus ride.
♥Norie
×Hates×
Violence. Drugs. Alcohol. Insecurity. Summer. Annoying people.