Hi.
This is depressing. I really wish I could keep this thing updated, but I just don’t have the desire to report anything in a diary anymore. I don’t know why. But I’m gonna try! I have too! Otherwise I won’t have any memoirs of my teenage life, right? Ooh, yeah.
Today I hung out with Justin, someone I met through Kayray a few weeks before school ended. I’ll give you the lowdown on him. I liked him for awhile, until he started acting really flirty, and told me he couldn’t date me… but he still wanted to do physical stuff with me. No thank you! I was just dating a guy like that, it’s time for me to actually have a relationship, y’know? So I just said forget it and decided it wasn’t worth my time. And then today we actually hung out.
I really hate being a hormonal teenager. I get so… caught up with the fact that someone wants me and I want to take advantage of that… I don’t know. But we didn’t do anything! I promise! He just kept poking me and trying to tickle me. =
Gah. Anyway.
I’m still having a battle with my weight… Except now I really want to lose weight just for myself, when before it was for other people… boys mostly. I keep gaining weight. I hate it… it makes me hate myself even more. I don’t want to hate myself… I just want to be happy.
But every time, I attempt to go out and exercise, my stupid mind holds me back. I’m always self-conscious of the fact that there are people out there, and they might laugh at me for being fat; because of my past experiences. I just can’t let them go, and I hate myself even more for it. Tomorrow morning I’m going to try again to go out running. Hopefully I succeed!
School ended a month ago [or so], and senior year starts in almost 2 months. And I’m completely terrified. It’s the year where I need to start becoming more independent. I need to apply to colleges, take my SATs, get a job [which I’m idly trying at the moment], and lots more work at school with CAM and such. I’m so terrified. I’m not ready… I’m still a kid! I’m going to feel so lost this year. I know it. But even if I do feel lost, I want to enjoy it. It’s my last year, and I haven’t truly enjoyed any past high school years yet. I can hope for the best.
I think that is all for now? Sí? Sí!
♥Norie
×Hates×
Violence. Drugs. Alcohol. Insecurity. Summer. Annoying people.